Does the way you see yourself quietly hold you back?

Imagine an iceberg: the visible tip represents what’s evident about your identity, while the massive structure beneath the surface holds everything hidden. Others might label you as a middle-aged woman, an American, an overachieving mom, a fearless world traveler, an animated conversationalist, or a fun-loving manager. But beneath the surface, you might also be a closet comedian, an early riser with a love for fast cars, shy in the crowd, or someone navigating anxiety and panic attacks. All these interconnected elements shape who we are.

Our identity often feels like a fortress—a protective boundary that defines us. But when it’s challenged, it can feel like an attack on our essence. For example, a furlough at work might send you into a tailspin, leaving you questioning, who am I now?

A perfect example of this comes from the comedy show The Other Two. The series follows two siblings struggling in their entertainment careers while their younger brother becomes a viral sensation. In one episode, the older sister, Brooke Dubek, quits her job during an industry party and immediately notices a shift. Suddenly, she sees a group of invisible people to her before—the friends and partners of industry professionals who are not in the business. She realizes she’s now unseen by the room’s actors, producers, and film folks. No longer working in the industry, she feels like she’s lost a core piece of her identity…and is invisible to herself and others.

When your identity changes, it can rock the foundation of how you see yourself. But what if you thought of your identity as a puzzle piece instead of letting it confine you? The various edges fitting into the world around you, and as you create new connections, your puzzle expands, opening you to new experiences, knowledge, and opportunities.

Expanding Your Identity in 2025 

Let’s start pushing those boundaries. Here’s how: 

Step 1: Identify Your Interests 

List things you’re curious about or have always wanted to try. Then, narrow it down to three. Keeping your focus tight helps avoid the overwhelming feeling of chasing too many goals. 

Step 2: Take Actionable Steps 

For each interest, write down three simple actions to explore it. These should be achievable, like gathering information or contacting someone with experience in that area. 

Step 3: Own It 

This might feel uncomfortable, but tell yourself—and others—that you are this new version of you. Say it aloud: “I am a coder.” Did that feel awkward? Keep repeating it throughout the day until it starts to feel natural.

Step 4: Stay Intentional 

Take time to clarify what you truly want. Without direction, it’s easy to drift into something that doesn’t align with your goals or values. With each step, you’re creating a pathway toward a more expansive version of yourself. 

INTENT	NEXT STEPS	OWN IT
I want to be a coder.	1. Enroll in an online coding class.  2. Join local or virtual coder groups.  3. Connect with coders in your network for advice and mentorship.	I am a coder.

As George Bernard Shaw famously said:  “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” 

So, what new part of your identity will you create in 2025? The journey begins with a single step—and a belief that the box you live in can always grow.