We all know the so-called cardinal rules of etiquette: don’t talk about sex, money, or politics. Especially politics. But if we never talk about something, how can we learn? How do we grow, build empathy, or make deeper connections?

Consider this: “The percentage of Americans who express consistently conservative or liberal opinions has more than doubled in the last two decades—from 10% to 21%.” We’re becoming more polarized, less open to common ground, and increasingly hostile toward opposing views.

In our four-part series, Politics Without the Panic: Confident, Informed, Impactful, one key area we focus on is how to create constructive dialogue. A critical first step? Setting the stage for success. Here’s how:

Location, Location, Location

Are you diving into politics at a bar after a few drinks? Probably not ideal. Alcohol can fuel emotions and loosen filters. Choose a time when everyone’s clear-headed and in the right frame of mind.

Also consider who’s in the room. Is this a one-on-one conversation with a trusted friend or a group dynamic that could feel like an ambush? Are power dynamics at play, like a manager talking to an employee? Be mindful of timing, emotional context, and the relationships involved.

Seek Insight, Not Agreement

If your goal is to change someone’s mind, you’re likely setting yourself up for frustration. People bring a lifetime of beliefs, values, and fears to these conversations. Instead, aim to understand. Ask questions. Your curiosity says more about you than your opinion does.

Set Ground Rules

Before diving in, create a shared agreement. Let them know you value them and want to have a meaningful conversation—not a defensive one. Ask:

• What do you both need to feel respected?
• Are there specific triggers either of you would rather avoid?
• How will you know when it’s time to pause?

Start by affirming the relationship. You can care deeply about someone and still disagree with their views.

Find Common Ground

Start in the middle. What do you agree on? Do you both want a good life for your family? Financial stability? A safe and secure community? Once you’ve named shared values, explore how each of you sees the path to those goals. Stay curious—what do they believe their party or position supports, and why?

Use “Yes, and…”

A classic improv technique can work wonders here. Replace “No, but…” with “Yes, and…” For example: “No, but I think another policy could help support that too.” Try this instead: “Yes, and I think another policy could help support that too.” It’s a small shift, but the conversation is collaborative instead of combative.

Know When to Walk Away

If emotions rise, agree to pause. Step back and reflect on what was said without the heat. Consider what the other person might really be trying to express and what they might be afraid of. Then, when you’re both ready, pick the conversation back up with a calmer perspective.

Express Gratitude

Even if the discussion was bumpy, say thank you. Acknowledge their effort and trust. These conversations are vulnerable, and your willingness to engage shows you care. Assume good intent. You don’t know their whole story—and they don’t know yours.

Summary

We live in a time when much of what we see and hear reinforces our own beliefs. That makes it even more important to have real conversations across differences. When we speak with openness and kindness—even when we disagree—we grow.

You may even change your mind. Or at least, shift your perspective.

Be curious. Be kind. Be brave.